Monthly Archives: November 2017

Alpaca!

Warning: this post contains photos of a shocking quality, this blog takes no responsibility for these, I completely blame my cr***y phone camera and deny it had anything to do with poor lighting choices, shaky hands and lack of patience. Please continue at your own risk.

I stumbled upon a lovely yarny-type place last week. We made an impromptu visit to Aberdeen that involved passing by Auld Mill Alpacas, a small holding near Elgin.

It’s a wee gem buried in the Moray countryside with a fairly large herd ( flock?) of alpacas living with various chickens, dogs and a couple of humans too. Carol and John have run it for about six years and breed alpaca for sale as well as running a small on-site and online shop.

We were warmly welcomed and ushered in for a cuppa; Carol has heard of Weaving Heart and we exchanged weaving stories and traded tips. They make handwoven scarves and throws with yarn spun from the alpaca fleece. The range of natural colours is beautiful and they try and ensure that everything is labelled with the name of the alpaca the fleece came from.

Finally I had a wander round the shop, in a shepherd’s hut; it’s perfect with a great selection of yarn, fibre and handmade goodies.

Needless to say I managed to acquire a few additions to my stash while I was there. Something I really liked and I think is unusual was some mill-spun core spun yarn. I’ve never seen non handspun yarn like this and I took a large bump home with plans to use it as weft in a rug. In the photo below it’s on the bottom row in the middle, isn’t it gorgeous? I’d be quite happy just cuddling it all day.

If this all sounds like I’m pushing you to visit, if you get chance, go! I was very pleasantly surprised and the alpacas were beautiful in their elegantly haughty ballet dancer way.

Right health update: bleurgh, life can be truly awful with ME sometimes. It’s not often I moan (??) (maybe I should leave you to decide that) but I just a little fed up with really really wanting to do stuff (like weave) and just can’t. It’s a bit rubbish getting up in the morning only to have to lie down, wait for the drugs to kick in and then see if I can manage to actually sit up so I can crochet a little. It’s tough. I do maintain a positive outlook, I am super fortunate to have a safe, warm home and wonderful people in my life but jeez it gets tedious. That is all. Speaking of crochet, I have been hooking a bit (and running out of Netflix to watch too, nightmare), here’s a little selection.

Recovery?

I met with my MP this week to ask him to sign a petition requesting an inquiry in the abuse of people with ME (PWME; you can find more information here).

Unlike our previous MP, he didn’t sign but fobbed me off by saying he was already ‘signed up to something to do with ME’.

However, this isn’t the topic I want to write about today, rather I’d like to discuss a common response from health professionals and, indeed, my MP. When certain people hear I have ME, instead of listening, they proceed to tell me all about it ending with ‘recovery is possible you know’ or words to that effect. Recently I’ve heard this from my practice nurse, my MP and some well meaning acquaintance.

Let’s have a wee look at this, according the research, around 5% of PWME recover. Yes, you read it correctly, a 5 measly % (I think it’s higher for young people however). The term ‘recovery’ is up for debate too; within the ME community, it’s widely believed that ‘remission’ is a more realistic outcome as those who have been described as recovered aren’t back to full health, just better than they were.

So why the insistence on reinforcing recovery?

Well. Firstly I think it’s easier for people to cope with; living with ME can be seen as a pretty miserable existence: not working, low income, limited activity, isolation, chronic pain etc etc. So it’s much more comfortable for you to view this as temporary.

I’m comfortable with it being permanent however and by focusing on what ifs devalues my life as it is here and now. Yes, it may not be the life I’d wished for but it’s a fulfilled and generally content one. Living with chronic illness has taught me patience, compassion and empathy in levels I’d not experienced before. I’m able to sit quietly with myself quite comfortably and whilst I may not be achieving things in the way our society values, I’m able to create beautiful things and pass on those skills when the opportunity arises.

Another reason for the recovery agenda is the infuriating insistence on being positive and because PWME are desperate for ME to be recognised as a physical illness we worry that presenting as anything other than happy, joyous and free will be used as evidence against this. So we smile sweetly and nod ‘yes, I could wake up tomorrow and be fine‘. Not ‘believing’ in recovery isn’t being negative, or even realistic (although, for me, I’m past the magical five year point when, for even Pollyanna’s, recovery is extremely unlikely). It just is and it minimises the reality of how life is for us.

I find all of this very tricky to write, back in the day I used to be pretty literate but I reckon what with the combination of brain fog and some neurotoxic medications my i.q. has about halved. Fog really is the way to describe it, it’s like wading through a thick peasouper in there where words are hiding and my train of thought skips away.

Right enough of that, here’s a little crochet catch up. I’m still hooking frantically and have made progress on all three projects.

Lilliana is looking very pretty and I’m up to date with her at part 7.

Similarly with Atlanticus, he’s unintentionally mirroring Lilly’s progress and is also at part 7

However, excitingly I even have a Finished Object: meet ‘A Spicier Life’ blanket which is a crochet sampler basically, having different stitches every few rows. The only issue is that this causes differences in tension so the edges were very wonky until the border was added; it’s still a little wavy but once you’re snuggled underneath hardly noticeable. I quite like it, the Nurturing Fibres Eco Cotton I’m working with for the other projects has simply ruined me. This is in good old Stylecraft DK so will wear and wash well, I see it becoming a trusty doggie blanket. Needless to say I’ve already a new WIP in mind…